Today at Mass, something wonderful happened. I felt like I was going to begin crying at any moment, numerous times. For whatever reason, today I felt God’s love on me, in me, and stronger than I think I’ve ever felt before. Walking up to receive the Eucharist, I was shaking, my heart felt as if it was going to beat out of my chest, and I felt like I was going to begin crying. It felt so wonderful, so amazing, and unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I couldn’t believe it!

Attempting to explain what happened to me today is hard, as all my words don’t seem to even compare or do any kind of justice. After I received Him, I prayed for all my loved ones to know this feeling, for it to stay, lingering, as long as possible, and for everyone really to be close enough to God to feel this way, or better.

I used to have a strange fear of Heaven, after I converted. I became Catholic after a prolonged absence of God in my life, where I was the textbook definition of atheist. Not like those who say they are atheist, but then profess how angry they are at God for whatever reason (how can you be angry at something you don’t believe in?), but I just truly did not believe in God, whatsoever. After I converted, I thought Heaven was a terrifying idea, like Utopia. Utopia is impossible here on Earth, and I just couldn’t grasp that Heaven would be any different - that in order to have Heaven, God somehow took away our freewill once we got there.

I now know differently, of course, but today I just imagined this was a small taste of what Heaven was like, and I almost laughed right out loud at how foolish I had been to be afraid of it before! God does not remove our freewill, He loves us eternally for who we are, regardless. For this, I am so amazingly grateful.